Today Sucked...

Today... was a miserable day...

The good... I slept 12 hours... I got to tell Kathy, the nurse, how much Carrie and Chass appreciated having her as their nurse the last few times they were in the hospital... I got to talk to Nicole... and I got to see my beautiful friend, Holly... I got an email from my friend, Darshita...

The bad... the debriefing session for the staff was cancelled... but I didnt' find out until I got there... my little buddy, Peter, is in the hospital... and after we had a good conversation, he had to have some stuff done... and it was very painful for him... and he was crying... and I just wasn't ready for that... I would have left sooner... but when I stepped out, he asked his Dad, "Can Kevin come back afterwards?" And I didn't have the heart to say no...

But after the procedure... he was still in pain... and he was having anxiety from all of the people hovering over him... and we tried to get back to talking again... he's such a trooper... but he was scared and he was in pain... and he couldn't stop crying... he said he was scared from the hallucinations... and he was telling me where he was seeing people... and I could feel the tears coming... because this is never a good thing when they start to see people... and I told him he had nothing to be scared of... and that the hallucinations couldn't hurt him... and that God was with him to keep him safe... and afterwards... he asked his Dad to change him... and I had been there for a while... and I needed to leave... and so I told him I had to go... and he started crying... but being the trooper that he is... he said, "Ok... thank you for visiting..." And I walked out of there feeling so awful...

I don't have the words to describe how frustrated I am... how sad I am... how much my heart aches...

I almost wish I lived a different life sometimes...

Please keep Peter in your thoughts and prayers... he's such a special kid... I hope so much for his well-being...

KL