Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas.

It’s strange, because with everything that has been going on, it hasn’t really felt like Christmas to me.

My parents and I don’t really exchange gifts anymore… it being just the 3 of us and all…

My Dad was in Korea up until Thursday and my Mom’s been sick and I’ve had something to do just about every night. So we didn’t really decorate the house the way we used to and we didn’t get a chance to go on our annual Christmas tradition of the mad dash to the Capitol Christmas Tree, White House Christmas Tree, Local neighborhoods, and Ice Cream at McDonald’s.

Friday night, I walked into a prayer and praise service that I usually go to… After 30 minutes, everyone was just way too happy… and I walked out to my car and just started crying. I cried for about 20 minutes… I was so exhausted when all was said and done… I was worried about not making it home…

So going into Sunday and Christmas Eve… for the first time in years, I wasn’t really feeling the Christmas Spirit…

When I got to my Sunday School Class, we had cookies and cupcakes and we talked and joked and we laughed. And the funny thing was that as I looked around… I realized that my entire class was going to the Winter Retreat this week. And I felt so blessed to know that all of my students… as crazy as they can get… were involved and wanted to be there.

Then during Service, when we had our time to greet one another… I went around and my students bear hugged me and I told them I was proud of them… and I realized that I really was…

Sunday night was the Christmas Program and we had rehearsal at 4:30. So I got to church and was still feeling kind of grinchish. But I had a chance to sit down and talk to one of my friends, who is the College Group Leader… and in talking with her about the nightmare of a week I had been having… I realized that I had a sympathetic ear… and it gave me some comfort…

That’s when it happened. I went back into the main chapel where they were having rehearsal… and our Youth Pastor asked me to look at one of our Student’s hands. I looked at it and it was pretty scary swollen. After talking to him, I realized that he dislocated his thumb while he was breakdancing and had popped it back in place. And I knew that it was important that he get X-rays to make sure there wasn’t ligament damage or any breaks. Problem. His Mom was in charge of the Christmas program. They had just moved up to this area from Lynchburg about a week ago. So I found his Dad, and we drove to INOVA Fairfax. Being New Year’s Eve and all, we were fortunate that the ER was relatively empty. There were also a few nurses there that I still knew from my time in the ER. We were done by 2 ½ hours which felt like a lot to Sam, but I knew that we were incredibly lucky to get out so quickly.

But more importantly for me... I realized how completely at home and comfortable I felt... taking care of people... medically... emotionally... I basically told them what I thought had happened, what was going to happen, and how things were going to unfold... and everything happened exactly as I thought... including the diagnosis... it wasn't even a second thought or moment's hesitation when I saw Sam's thumb. I knew what needed to get done... And that might seem small to some... but for me... it was the recognition of how comfortable I was in my skin... especially as my skin evolves into that of a doctor in training...

Being a Medical Student is rife with uncertainty, insecurity, and doubts... but with the experience that I accumulated prior to starting medical school and with everything I have been learning over the past few years... I find myself feeling more sure of myself... and actually starting to feel... like I am soon going to be a doctor...

So we got back to church after we had missed the first hour or so. But as I stood in the back… I realized that a year ago, I was sitting back there as well… only I didn’t know a soul… but now… a year later… THIS… was my church… it was where I belonged… it was part of my home… the kids that went up to sing and dance… were kids I knew and loved… and by the time the little kids in Pink Gymnastics Outfits got on stage and were dancing and jumping and tumbling… I was in full tearful laugh.

It was Christmas… and as awful as last week has been… God carried me through it… and I know that I did the things he wanted me to do… and I know that I represented him in the comfort that I gave… in the lasting memory that I gave… in the work that I did with Chass. As bad as I felt for Peter… I knew that this was not a job that he wanted met to take on at the moment…

I thought about the gift that God has given me… by allowing me to love so many kids… and to be a friend, role model, brother, confessor, uncle, to so many of God’s children… young and old… I thought about where I was 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago… and I saw how much I had changed… How all of the twists and turns that my life had taken… had brought me here… to this… and as awful as things have been… I still have so much… and even the awful… was only awful because of the loss… and there can only be a loss… if there was something there to begin with…

Today is Christmas… and the entire year… has truly been the greatest Christmas gift I could have ever asked for.