A Reply to a Kind Comment. . .

Hey everyone,

I received a very kind comment to my last Post and as I was replying
to it, I decided that I wanted to share my reply with others.


Hi Michelle,

Thank you so much for your kind words and your prayers.

I am a 2nd year Medical Student at the Medical College of Virginia. But before I got into Medical School, I spent about 3 years working as a Clinical Tech on the Pediatric Oncology Floor of INOVA Fairfax Hospital in Fairfax, VA.

I understand what you are saying about survivor's guilt... Neuroblastoma in particular is tough, because there's a dramatic difference in the outcomes for kids who get diagnosed younger vs. those who are diagnosed as teenagers. Part of the reason why I hate Neuroblastoma so much is that it's so hard to know it's there during the early stages.

But the thing is... we don't get to choose our outcomes... there's no rhyme or reason... why does any kid have to get cancer? If I've learned nothing else from Chassity and the thousands of kids that I worked with... it's that ultimately... the WHY doesn't really much matter... the big question is... what are you going to do with what you know...

People have often said to me that they can't believe I worked in Peds Oncology… and how sad it must be. There is no denying that when we lose a child to cancer… there are no words to describe the pain. However, working in Peds Oncology (and I'm sure you experienced this during treatment), introduces you to families that truly know how we should be living our lives.

Chassity has said to me on many occasions… "You know, people think I'm weird when I say this, but in a way, I'm kind of glad I got cancer, because if I didn't, I wouldn't have had a chance to meet the people that I did or spend all this time with my Mom the way I did."

Like I said… I do understand what you are saying about survivor's guilt… because I see it an awful lot… and it's so difficult to understand how one child survives and another doesn't... but the ultimate gift… the ultimate affirmation of Chassity's life… would be to live the rest of your life loving your children with all of your heart… and supporting other families and kids with cancer.

Chassity has taught me so much about living a thankful life. I am thankful to hear that your daughter is healthy and well and cancer-free. If you read Chassity's website, you will see a young woman who sees that life is too precious to worry about... it is something to be treasured and lived to the fullest.

One story that I left out from last night...

After an hour of sitting there and holding her hand and touching her face... Chassity started really putting a lot of effort into talking... and when I leaned in... she said, "do you have a problem?" It totally caught me off guard... and I said, "what?? no!! why?" And then I saw the look of an evil smile on her face... And I asked her, "Why? Is it bothering you that I'm just sitting here staring at you?" And she nodded very emphatically and worked real hard to speak again... and said, "Turn on." Which meant turn on the TV. So I asked her if she wanted to watch Grey's Anatomy... and she said, "Yes." And I told her it was a rerun... and she said, "Don't care." And then she smiled and drifted off...

Apparently, there was only so much mopiness Chass could handle from me.

Just a gentle reminder to me... don't sit around and be sad... keep living... that's what it's there for.

Thank you again for your comments!

Here is a link to Chassity's website.

www3.caringbridge.org/va/chassity/


KL