"So how's school?"

I must hear this question about 20 to 30 times a week. It's understandable. It's the obvious question. Clearly, everyone knows that school occupies 80% of the physical time and space of my life... But whenever I hear this question... I am always thinking... if you only knew...

So here's the truth...

2nd year of Medical School can often be the loneliest time in a Medical Student's life...

1st year of Medical School, there is the newness, the excitement, the getting to know everyone. There is also often the cushion of studying things many of us have studied before.

3rd & 4th year, you are in the Hospital interacting with residents, doctors, nurses, other students, and patients.

But 2nd year...

The material in 2nd year is infinitely more interesting. You learn about what happens when things go wrong in the body. It is indescribably cool. But the thing is... there are a LOT of things that can go wrong. A LOT of things. And most of it is new. And most of it requires more than just understanding the material. 2nd year is focused on getting you ready for the most painful academic test imagineable. Step 1 of the United States Medical Licensure Examination (Boards). Boards are an 8 hour day made up of 7 hours of a computerized exam of 350 multiple choice questions and 1 hour of break time that you may use at your discretion. If you do the math, that means, you have about 1 minute to read a scenario, assess the situation, and answer a question. So part of 2nd year is getting you to the point where you are getting pushed to know material and answer questions quicker and quicker.

So the studying that goes into preparing for all of our exams is a lot more intense. Basically, after lectures, labs, small groups, and various extracurricular activities, all of our time is focused on studying. For guys with ADD issues like I do, that means keeping yourself away from social situations and holing up at the local seminary library or in my study room in my apartment.

The end result... you spend most of your day not talking to anyone.

It's just you... and a gigantic notebook of lecture notes.

And at the end of the day... you realize how much you yearn for human contact that doesn't involve taking a history or doing a physical exam.

So I was home for Thanksgiving... and I realized I was completely out of touch with anyone I used to talk to or spend time with before Medical School.

And I realized what a complete mess it is to be a 2nd year Med Student, because... you're out of sync with old friends... and you're current friends are all in the same pickle that you are and need to be left alone to be buried in isolation, too.

The end result... I'm lonelier than I've been in a very long time... and the crazy part of it is... I'm lonely even though I KNOW a million people... I'm lonely even though I'm surrounded by thousands of people every day... I'm lonely even though I KNOW everyone in my class... I'm lonely even though I can strike up a conversation with anyone on campus... I'm lonely even though I have LOTS of friends... Despite all evidence to the contrary, I'm lonely.

It's so strange.

The good news?

It's only 6 more months.

It's for a GREAT cause.

In the end, the things I'll get to do are indescribably cool.

So, I bury my head. And I keep going.

But just so you know... how's school?... though I love being here... and I'm so overwhelming grateful to have this opportunity... the truth of the matter is... school kind of sucks right now.